Now this is bad news. It's December 20th and I just realized I've done nothing for Christmas. My children will be traumatized, the neighbors shake their heads in consternation. We are Christmas failures. I hope that in just 5 days with the help of Martha Stewart I can work like crazy to deliver a D+ or maybe even C- Christmas. I am disappointed to discover Martha Stewart chose the photos for her Christmas cards on November 30th, which means I'd better take some.
A lightning bolt of inspiration cracks in my head. I remember that old cheaty cliche: Kids + Dogs + Props = Cute. I scream at the kids to get some fancy clothes on. Tristan chooses a bow tie and Santa hat. Perfect. Julian chooses Tristan's royal birthday robes. He attempts to leave the house with his Oxford shirt pushed up to the elbows against the 45-degree weather. He is yelled at to get a coat. He sheepishly admits that not only has he lost his winter coat this year, he has also lost his two hoodies and has been wearing Tristan's for the last month. It's not even his Oxford shirt, which he lost at picture day.
Once at the top of the hill, Tristan decides that Christmas cards are dumb and also, the boy scout belt loop he's working on is dumb also. He begins to pout and punch the dirt. He is then threatened with public push-ups in the dirt unless he makes a happy face. A young and obviously childless couple overhears this threat and walks away horrified. I am too flustered to care.
As I reviewed the shots later at home, I realized that the dingy Baltimore panorama wasn't too impressive. The Domino Sugar sign is slick and sludgy instead of jolly and the cars in the parking lot below are disturbingly American. The whole scene is disturbingly "South of Fort" as some (but definitely not me) would say. It's perfectly lovely, but somehow not very "Atkins."So I found this shot of Sean taking over Gingerbread Festivities. Not very lovely, but very "Atkins."
A crafts project from Martha Stewart inspired me to bedazzle these photos into passable holiday cards:
The reviews have been positive, but my favorite comes from our friend Greg: "Awesome pic in the card. Your boys do a fine job and Sean really brings it home."
It's nice to know that Sean is bringing home more than a partially-garnished paycheck, breath that reeks of Aftershock and a taxpayer-subsidized penicillin prescription.
Cost of 12 hipster Christmas cards: $15 x 50% off = $7.50
Cost of 12 prints at CVS up the street: $4.29
Cost of a D+ to C- Christmas card showing: $11.79
However, realizing that Julian has no winter clothing, that will be quite expensive.
